Sunday, October 10, 2004
Well, some may like it, but not me. Not a big fan of hot weather. I usually pass on hot food. I certainly don't dig it when dogs are in heat. And Sola has blessed us this week. She is "blossoming"in to dog-womanhood. Lucky us. We just moved to a new place in the woods on seventeen acres of land. Every night as I walk with Nigel & Sola the coyotes scream at me as to implore, "Please, let the little one loose! You don't need two....." And yet every night I find myself back in the house holding two leashes, a dog at the end of each. *sigh*
I had to restrain myself from posting any Sola pictures with this entry. Any picture I would take would be beyond the limits of good taste. This pains me greatly, as my sense of humor resides smack-dab in the middle of the land of poor taste. But I'll spare the reader. I believe it would suffice to say that Sola appears as though someone has pasted five pairs of red gumdrops and a Dunkin' Donuts Old Fashioned on her. I'll let your imagination run the show from here.
Sola: Hey, you lookin' at me? Are ya? Come a little closer you handsome thing.
Really - if anyone could get just a little closer.....
Nigel: Oh damn, what did I step in this ti - SOLA, for the last time GET OFF MY LEG!!!!!!!!
I haven't seen the cat in days, but I could make an educated guess as to his whereabouts.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Sola and I have something in common. We both love to mountain bike. The smell of forest and sound of dirt passing under wheel and paws at speed is our church. When I pull the bike out and load it in the truck Sola stands in the window screaming at me as though I have just left her behind on the Titanic. But when we are in the woods we are one. She will not be separated from the back tire of a mountain bike at speed. If I stop she will wait by my side for the fun to resume. There is a beautiful crystal clear mountain stream that we always stop at for her to swim, drink and recharge. In the last five days she has probably logged about 18 miles of rugged terrain, and is no worse for the wear. She's a tough little seven month old girl. And she worships the ground I walk on, unless she feels like ignoring me.
Sola: What a bunch of fruity crap. I'm just in it for the mud. I stay behind that tire and get big old gulps of it. I wish I were in school. I would eat paste......
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Greyhound racing is a dying sport, and that is good news. Until then, if you haven't considered adopting one, do. You will never regret it...
Nigel: It's about time you sang my praises. Sola has been a camera hog these days. So here is a picture, one I like to share with the ladies.....
Monday, August 02, 2004
Another neighbor was walking her dog through the village and the Pit bull was running up behind her. I thought I'd spare her the change of underwear necessitated by a surprise Pit Bull visit. I switched on my flashers and stopped the truck in the middle of the road beside her. She turned and noticed the stray, which was just starting the butt-sniff exchange with her dog. I jumped out of the truck, ran over to them and asked the stray if he would like to go for a ride. Apparently that was exactly what he was searching for. Perhaps he had been seeking out a cab, because when I opened the door he jumped in immediately. I jumped back in the truck and we headed home.
So we called the local animal control officer. And we called again. And again. Apparently he likes to keep his Sundays to himself. In the meantime I fed treats to our visitor and entertained him with a tennis ball. He thanked me with huge sloppy kisses and frequent tail wags. He pulled me around the neighborhood on the leash and collar I had put on him (he arrived nekkid).
Oddly enough, despite my fear of Pit Bull terriers he proved to be a sweetie. Except when I had him on a leash and strangers approached. Then he would growl and attempt to protect me. One of our previous dogs was a beautiful Dalmatian. She was so striking that all who saw her wanted to approach us and meet her. This was unfortunate because she was too protective of us and could not be allowed to meet strangers. It was sometimes difficult to walk her or have company over, but she was a wonderful dog and my wife was comforted to know that she was protected by her dog. Now we have that same sense of safety.
When you walk a Pit Bull it's a bit different. Cars swerve out of the way, schools lock their doors and women and children run for shelter screaming. It's quite entertaining, and makes me wonder if perhaps we should invest in a factory that can produce underpants at competitive prices. In any event, it would seem that the chap is here to stay. We have yet to select a name for him, but we are pondering suitable names, and have narrowed the list to Assault, Bleeder, Killer, Reaper and Stitches (in alphabetical order). I think Stitches is cute so perhaps it will stick.
Sola: How dare you.
Nigel: They've lost their minds. I'm sleeping on top of the refrigerator from now on. This is getting to be regod-damned-diculous.
Disclaimer: This story is true, except that you'd have to be smoking crack in order to believe that we'd keep a Pit Bull. We put that part in to give our friends and family aneurysms. After the animal control officer never showed up we promptly dropped him off at the shelter. Shortly thereafter a handful of rednecks in a beatermobile stopped our neighbor and asked if she'd seen a young Pit Bull anywhere.........
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Nigel: Where did I put that Advil the humans dropped a few weeks ago? This girl has some serious pipes. But a few singing lessons are in order.
Sola: Can't speak.....losing voice....sang the "feed me pizza" song too long.
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
I like sheetrock. It looks nice. It's much better than bare 2X4s. And even better than sheetrock with holes in it. Sigh.....
Nigel: Have I mentioned that Sola isn't smart? Wanna know what the humans nicknamed her? Shortbus. When I say Sola isn't smart, I really mean it. Sola was bred in the Northeast Kingdom of Vermont. Never heard of it? Think Deliverance banjo music, weekend cousin swaps and snake curches. Getting the picture? Oops, time to lick myself. Oh, that's right - you humans can't do that. Poor fools.
Anyway, I'm sticking with treats. We get all kinds. No need to eat walls.
Author: Perhaps we could have additional toes implanted in Sola's front paws. Then she could just flip us the bird. I know she would.
Sola: I ain't real smart like, but y'all best lay off'n me. I'm just a young'n. And besides, where I come frum, you ain't gonna git good book learnin'. And just what is the matter with snake churches. Sounds like fun to me.
So I have this thing. I really like big, open rooms. And if I feel that a wall is not in the right place (provided that such wall is not a load-bearing one), I'm going to try to remove it. How, you ask? One bite at a time...
And really, that wall does not fit the Feng Shui remodel that I have in mind for this place. Nigel, if you think you are so smart, why is it that the humans can't let you off of your leash unless you are fenced in?
Nigel: I'm trying to run away from you. You and your pee stains. And I really don't feel like having the roof fall on me when you eat the wrong wall. I told the humans I like my ladies dumb and blonde, but this is more than I bargained for.
Saturday, May 22, 2004
Author: Ms. Author was watching TV and Nigel was barking non-stop. She finally got him to quiet down, and the doorbell rang. She answered the door, and the young boy next door was standing on the porch holding Sola in his arms. She was perplexed. She had just brought the dogs inside...
Sola: I jumped on the guest room bed and figured out how to open the window a little more. Then I popped out the screen. Took me a little walk on the porch roof.
Author: The neighbor explained that he and a friend were looking out the window and saw Sola walking around on our front porch roof. They ran out to warn me and she jumped off of the roof to greet them, falling about 9 feet and landing on her feet in the front yard! She started running around and the neighbor grabbed her. She was completely unharmed, which our vet tells us make no sense whatsoever. She should have broken bones and/or suffered internal injuries.
Sola: I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. I believe I am two inches shorter than I used to be.
Nigel: Moral of the story - listen to me when I bark. Oh, one more thing - Sola is a mouth-breather.
Friday, May 21, 2004
Nigel: I think someone slipped me coffee. I couldn't stop myself. I nicked my front leg with my back claw. Can't stop licking the spot. It's too tasty.....
Sola: I got the short end of the stick. I can't keep up with the runners. So instead every other dog in the park tried to hump me. Even this big fat Eskimo lesbian nut case. She almost flattened me. I wish they made accelerated growth dog food....
Rain will be with us for the next three days. The dogs are dead tired. We like that!