Monday, November 09, 2009

The Usual Suspects

I live on the phone. Each work day finds me taking anywhere from forty to a hundred calls while voicemail piles up in the queue. It's a little much. In my line of work, many of these calls are about fires that have to be put out - not real fires mind you, but the typical business hassles: clients seeking urgent assistance, employees stressing over assignments, sales people who just can't wait to tell me about the best deal ever.

Due to the sheer volume of calls that I have fielded during the last decade, I have had my share of odd experiences. None of them had prepared me for the call I would receive one afternoon last week. I did not check caller ID before answering.

*Ring

"Hello."

Mrs. Author: "It's me." She paused briefly as if to gather herself. "You know how my foot has been getting sore and looking bruised the past few days?"

I acknowledged the same. I'd urged her to get in to a doctor to have it looked at, because she did not recall having done anything to bring it on. She suspected her wood clogs, but I did not believe a pair of shoes could cause the pain and swelling she had experienced.

Mrs Author: "I managed to get in to a podiatrist. They shot x-rays. My f*cking foot is broken!"

"I don't get it. I just don't get it. Are you sure you didn't twist it or hit it on something?" I was shocked.

"No," she replied, and I could almost picture here furrowed brow before she continued, "I still can't think of a thing but this just sucks."

She was right. This is her new look:





We will never know what caused the fracture. The doctor explained that it was not unusual to see fractures that came with no real explanation, and that six weeks from now it will all be just a memory. Mrs. Author is not a happy camper.

Nigel requested that I update his Facebook status, and I obliged.





There was much speculation about the cause of this injury, but there is no need to expand upon the comment thread. The overwhelming majority suggested that Mrs. Author had fractured her foot delivering a well deserved kick to the south end of Nigel. Of course, that is not at all the case. I do wonder if the dogs were somehow involved. We have both suffered numerous injuries from our animal companions. Mystery bruises, aches and pains, and cuts and scrapes of assorted sizes are de rigeur. And we are stepped on with regularity. To be honest, I have do have three specific suspects in mind, but I guess we'll never know.





Or will we?




Photobucket

37 comments:

  1. Mom say great movie -

    I say the khat and the skhwirrel were responsible - I've see the khat - it is HUGE!

    Hugz&Khysses,
    Khyra

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  2. So sorry Ms. Author for the broken foot! Hope Nigel doesn't give you too hard a time while you recover.

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  3. Must have been some sort of spontaneous explosion for sure.

    Slobbers,
    Mango

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  4. Sorry, Mrs. Author. I know for a fact that The Herd caused two broken toes. Trust me, I was there. Painfully.

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  5. ouch, that must be painful. go, nigel, give mrs. author a kiss.

    its me, trudis

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  6. I don't think a broken paw is anthing to sneeze at. How will she be able to dig holes or scratch behind her ears???? Oh my.

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  7. I am so sorry about Mrs. Author. Sounds like she's due to be waited on hand and paw for the next few weeks....

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  8. Which is why those of us who feel so bad for Mrs A wouldn't be surprised to learn that it was the South Side of the Skinny One who is to blame.

    Rory & Fiona want the Mrs to know that at any time if she wants to come visit with some smaller, less injurious kinds of canines, we have a lovely guest room on stand by.

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  9. Oh my gosh that's horrible! With something this random, Nigel HAS to be involved...hmmmm. Here's wishing Mrs. Author feels better soon!

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  10. Always blamin' the puppies...
    ;P

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  11. Yikes! something new to worry about! Wonder how a foot could be fractured without seemingly being injured... hope this mystery gets solved and I enjoyed your "spin" on the situation!! Happy Monday to the Pack!!

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  12. Sure, blame the canines. What about Cracker? Come to think of it, nobody has even mentioned the south side of MR. AUTHOR. Maybe after that sales clerk photo emerged Mrs. Author sought revenge.

    Just sayin'..........
    Chester ;0=)

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  13. I think it was Keyser Söze!

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  14. Ouch!! Hope her foot heals up fast!!

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  15. Anonymous12:19 PM

    "It was the yellow colored dog, they just aren't trustworthy." Or so my black poodle dog says.

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  16. Woof! Wishing your foot for a quick recovery. Be good Nigel. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

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  17. hope you are healed soon cos there is dog walking to be done!!

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  18. LOL @ Chester! The cat did it....remember the photo I sent about the cat trying to kill you last week? I'm just sayin'.....
    :)

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  19. aw nigel we hope your momma's foot gets better soon watch out for when she starts feeling itchy - grumpy warning i tellya!

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  20. Just watched that movie the other day... sorry about the foot!!! I have broken a toe and that is not fun. I can't imagine a foot though.

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  21. I am very sorry for Mrs. Author's broken foot. It is very painful; I know as I broke mine once in a fall. I hope that she heals up quickly. Thank you for following me. I will return the favor.

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  22. Awwww! Mrs. Author big licks and healing hugs to you. Licks and Wags, Ariel <3

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  23. Sorry to hear about Mrs. Author's fracture. Having owned a greyhound in the past, I speak from experience. Nigel probably poked her with that cold, wet nose, startling Mrs. Author, who then sprang into the air and gave her foot a jolt on the way down from the universe.

    Hope the fracture heals quickly!

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  24. stress fracture to real one. i know it. i broke my hip during a marathon. never knew i had a stress fx. but but but! the day before the marathon, we came across a black and white greyhound. they're imported from australia because of the lack of rabies. anyway, i thought it was just a way for my b/w tamale to wish me luck. but no. perhaps there was another b/w greyhound out there trying to steal mon meaujeau. hm.

    nigel is a bitter man.

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  25. Oh, ouch! I'm so sorry! I've had a broken toe due to the hounds and hubby's had several impressive black eyes, but that foot looks painful! I think I'll be keeping my feet up on the couch now!

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  26. Anonymous7:13 PM

    having just been relieved of an identical air cast after 6 long weeks, Mrs Author has my sympathies. I managed to break my right ankle and a day later I broke my left big toe. Ended up in a wheel chair since both feet were affected. And THEN I came down with fasciitis in the left foot. Am still limping 4 months later. About all any of it was good for was being relieved of "poop patrol" for a while. I'd be happy to blame my breaks on poor Nigel too but in reality I fell in the middle of a busy road and then a walker fell on top of my toe. Embarrassing and mucho annoying...
    the western SC gang minus Sophis, our angel

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  27. She probably stepped on her own goofy foot. Those humans are always doing stupid stuff like that.

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  28. Poor Mrs. Author! Sorry Nigel but we think you are the guilty party. And for your punishment we don't think you should get any of those extra shoes to chew on!

    Kisses,
    Emma Rose

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  29. She probably tripped or something....love the cartoon!
    Benny & Lily

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  30. Hey! Did someone say to blame it on a CAT??? I take offense to this. I know you are all dogs and everything. And I'm not afraid to say it: I'm a cat. But sheesh, I've allowed my male human to train me like a dog, I play fetch, I come when I'm called, I even read Life With Dogs for crying out loud. Enough with the cat accusations.

    Katie
    (Glogirly's cat)

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  31. That looks like the foot hurt! And those paws! Hmmm!!

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  32. Katie, you are good in my book. You've got moxie! :)

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  33. I have 'accidently' injured my two-legger as well. Especially when I want her to stay home with me for a few days and snuggle!

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  34. Ooh - can so relate to this! There isn't a week that goes by without me getting a bruise of some kind from Honey...I always tell my husband that if I ended up in hospital one day and they examined me, they'd be arresting him as an abusive husband!! :-)

    Hsin-Yi

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  35. Poor Mrs. Author, I am SO sorry to hear this. You know, in addition to being stepped on by 3 dogs or tripped by the, we have often stepped on their bones and about killed our feet. Maybe she stepped on a bone in the middle of the night....

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