The Usual Suspects

I live on the phone. Each work day finds me taking anywhere from forty to a hundred calls while voicemail piles up in the queue. It's a little much. In my line of work, many of these calls are about fires that have to be put out - not real fires mind you, but the typical business hassles: clients seeking urgent assistance, employees stressing over assignments, sales people who just can't wait to tell me about the best deal ever.

Due to the sheer volume of calls that I have fielded during the last decade, I have had my share of odd experiences. None of them had prepared me for the call I would receive one afternoon last week. I did not check caller ID before answering.

*Ring

"Hello."

Mrs. Author: "It's me." She paused briefly as if to gather herself. "You know how my foot has been getting sore and looking bruised the past few days?"

I acknowledged the same. I'd urged her to get in to a doctor to have it looked at, because she did not recall having done anything to bring it on. She suspected her wood clogs, but I did not believe a pair of shoes could cause the pain and swelling she had experienced.

Mrs Author: "I managed to get in to a podiatrist. They shot x-rays. My f*cking foot is broken!"

"I don't get it. I just don't get it. Are you sure you didn't twist it or hit it on something?" I was shocked.

"No," she replied, and I could almost picture here furrowed brow before she continued, "I still can't think of a thing but this just sucks."

She was right. This is her new look:

We will never know what caused the fracture. The doctor explained that it was not unusual to see fractures that came with no real explanation, and that six weeks from now it will all be just a memory. Mrs. Author is not a happy camper.

Nigel requested that I update his Facebook status, and I obliged.

There was much speculation about the cause of this injury, but there is no need to expand upon the comment thread. The overwhelming majority suggested that Mrs. Author had fractured her foot delivering a well deserved kick to the south end of Nigel. Of course, that is not at all the case. I do wonder if the dogs were somehow involved. We have both suffered numerous injuries from our animal companions. Mystery bruises, aches and pains, and cuts and scrapes of assorted sizes are de rigeur. And we are stepped on with regularity. To be honest, I have do have three specific suspects in mind, but I guess we'll never know.

Or will we?